Rules of Conduct - What do You Think?

Started by FrankJ2 • 15 replies • 306 views

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FrankJ2 (Maryland)
Posts: 2

Posted:

One of our members received these rules from her parents, who were just presented them at their HOA in Maryland. I've never seen anything like these. Thoughts?

• Profanity on HOA common property will not be tolerated.
• Verbally abusive behavior such as berating, belittling, insulting or threatening other homeowners or HOA contractors is not acceptable.
• All HOA meeting attendees are expected to conduct themselves respectfully and courteously during the meetings. Any behavior deemed disruptive will not be tolerated. This includes but is not limited to shouting, constant interruptions, personal attacks on the Board or other members in attendance or prolonged arguments.
• HOA meeting attendees who wish to voice complaints or grievances should do so constructively and respectfully, adhering to the established agenda.
• The audio or video recording of HOA meetings is prohibited.
• Attempts to intimidate board members and other HOA members using verbal and physical threats, abusive emails, false accusations and defamation will be considered harassment.
• Tobacco smoking, vaping and/or consuming alcohol in common areas is discouraged.
• Physical altercations of any kind are not acceptable.
• Socially acceptable behavior will be required in all common areas.
• Firearms and other weapons may not be displayed or discharged in common areas.
• Fireworks are not permitted to be discharged on HOA property.

Violations
• Reports of violations should be directed to the Board for appropriate action.
• Individuals at HOA meetings who exhibit disruptive behavior, including but not limited to aggressive conduct, verbal abuse or refusal to comply with the directions of the Board after a verbal warning will be asked to leave the meeting.
• If a disruptive individual at an HOA meeting fails to comply with a request to leave the meeting voluntarily after receiving a verbal warning, the Board reserves the right to seek assistance from security or law enforcement to facilitate the removal of the disruptive individual.
• An HOA member who exhibits harassing behavior will be issued a warning letter from the Board to cease and desist. If harassing behavior continues, further action that may be taken includes contacting law enforcement, filing a restraining order, prohibiting speaking at HOA meetings or prohibiting attendance at HOA meetings altogether.

JackS20 (North Carolina)
Posts: 262

Posted:

well they are harmless if not enforced. however if they are enforced, they sounds bit power tripping. best to go to ecourts and type in hoa's name and see how many lawsuits they have been envolved in. if it's excessive might want to ask about the HOA fine policy to see how agressive they are when you say sh*t while in common areas. for all we know that could be a $100 fine.

FrankJ2 (Maryland)
Posts: 2

Posted:

Who decides what harassing behavior is?

ElleN (Idaho)
Posts: 1,294

Posted:

I like the rules. Even if some are difficult to enforce, their mere existence sends a message that civility is expected.

TimB4 (Tennessee)
Posts: 21,047

Posted:

I don't have time to go over each item. I'll try later if someone else doesn't.

A lot of what is written is subjective vs. definitive. Hence, it can cause issues when trying to enforce.

You should also check for conflicts with MD law.

Anywhere you "discourage" vs. prohibit, you might as well remove because it technically means nothing and may simply serve to cause confusion.

Sounds like all of your enforcement actions are "contacting law enforcement"
If the Board is a third party (meaning they didn't see the action directly), it's better for the parties involved to report the incident to the police and, in my opinion, the Board/Association should not be involved (except for disruptions at meetings).

MichaelS56 (Minnesota)
Posts: 856

Posted:

Our Minnesota HOA uses the state Harassment law as our guide.

SheliaH (Indiana)
Posts: 6,964

Posted:

I don't have a problem with them, although the fireworks rule is a separate issue in our community (we also prohibit shooting them off on HOA property).

It's a shame things in this society have deteriorated to the point where you have to tell grown people how to behave in public. Especially at board meetings - these are supposed to be business meetings, not bitching sessions (even if you do have a resident's forum!). I understand the thought behind the audio/video rule, although this community would be better off talking to their HOA attorney about that because you run into First Amendment issues (at least while we still have one).

Socially acceptable behavior might also be tricky. Obviously, it's not cool to play one's music at the highest volume possible at 3 am, but people can misinterpret what's going on if they don't s

If it is not right do not do it; if it is not true do not say it. Marcus Aurelius

LoriM15 (Florida)
Posts: 1,009

Posted:

I've found over the last few years that we have to be as specific as possible in our rules because people always find a way to go the next step into something you didn't think about. For example, we have always had rules about holiday lights. Originally, 25 years ago, people only decorated for Christmas so it was easy. Then they started decorating with big displays for Halloween, and now it's Easter and Valentines Day and Thanksgiving and any other holiday you can think of. Our rules were you had to take them down within ten days of holiday. We then had to add how early they could put them up. Next we noticed that people were decorating with non-holiday string lights all year round. Put in a rule for that. Lately they have added permanent lights to the eaves of their houses that color change - so it's a light show year round. Added a rule against that in the latest rules a few months ago. Now they are decorating their fences with strings of lights. The rules say bushes and trees but don't say fences. No matter what, you have to be very specific. When the eave lights popped up, our attorney said we had to specifically address those type of lights or we could be successfully challenged. This is just one example - they push the boundaries all over the place. And we don't live in a particularly picky community - we have paint color restrictions and everyone has to have the original color and shape mailbox. Other than that we are pretty liberal with changes.

I think the OPs rules are, unfortunately, where we are in our communities today. Unless you are specific, some people just won't follow the rules. They are convinced the HOA is somehow restricting their rights to do anything they want to do. I don't know how many times I hear "you can't tell me what I can do". Yes, we can, because we try to find a middle ground on "taste" and style or behavior and so many people today just don't seem to have limits.

TimB4 (Tennessee)
Posts: 21,047

Posted:

Quote:

Posted By FrankJ2 on 02/01/2026 11:31 AM

• Profanity on HOA common property will not be tolerated.

Meaning what? If it's prohibited, say prohibited.
Additionally, define profanity

Merriam-Webster defines profanity as being "profane" and profane as to treat (something sacred) with abuse, irreverence, or contempt.

Blacks law Dictionary defines profanity as Irreverence towards sacred things; particularly, an irreverent or blasphemous use of the name of God.

So, if adopted, I could say the (going back to George Carlin) the 7 words we can't say on TV and even dam it. However Holy Entity Dam It won't be tolerated, or you will send me a letter.

Define the language you do not want.
Only impose rules you really can enforce.

Personal opinion, What is being referred to in this rule is more of a neighbor v neighbor issue than an HOA issue.

Quote:

Posted By FrankJ2 on 02/01/2026 11:31 AM

• Verbally abusive behavior such as berating, belittling, insulting or threatening other homeowners or HOA contractors is not acceptable.

We went from not being tolerated to not being acceptable.
The Association does not want to get involved with a neighbor v neighbor dispute beyond advising the complainer to contact the police the next time it happens if they desire.

Oh my - will you simply send another letter to the individual who is (agree with the words or not) perhaps exercising their freedom of speech?
Again - the Association is not the police - don't try to be them.

div class="NTForums_Quote">Posted By FrankJ2 on 02/01/2026 11:31 AM

• All HOA meeting attendees are expected to conduct themselves respectfully and courteously during the meetings. Any behavior deemed disruptive will not be tolerated. This includes but is not limited to shouting, constant interruptions, personal attacks on the Board or other members in attendance or prolonged arguments.
• HOA meeting attendees who wish to voice complaints or grievances should do so constructively and respectfully, adhering to the established agenda.
• The audio or video recording of HOA meetings is prohibited.
• Attempts to intimidate board members and other HOA members using verbal and physical threats, abusive emails, false accusations and defamation will be considered harassment.

Be honest, is all of this about a recent meeting and the lack of the President to control the meeting?

DeanJ
Posts: 1,786

Posted:

Quote:

Posted By FrankJ2 on 02/01/2026 11:31 AM
One of our members received these rules from her parents, who were just presented them at their HOA in Maryland. I've never seen anything like these. Thoughts?

• Profanity on HOA common property will not be tolerated.
• Verbally abusive behavior such as berating, belittling, insulting or threatening other homeowners or HOA contractors is not acceptable.
• All HOA meeting attendees are expected to conduct themselves respectfully and courteously during the meetings. Any behavior deemed disruptive will not be tolerated. This includes but is not limited to shouting, constant interruptions, personal attacks on the Board or other members in attendance or prolonged arguments.
• HOA meeting attendees who wish to voice complaints or grievances should do so constructively and respectfully, adhering to the established agenda.
• The audio or video recording of HOA meetings is prohibited.
• Attempts to intimidate board members and other HOA members using verbal and physical threats, abusive emails, false accusations and defamation will be considered harassment.
• Tobacco smoking, vaping and/or consuming alcohol in common areas is discouraged.
• Physical altercations of any kind are not acceptable.
• Socially acceptable behavior will be required in all common areas.
• Firearms and other weapons may not be displayed or discharged in common areas.
• Fireworks are not permitted to be discharged on HOA property.

Violations
• Reports of violations should be directed to the Board for appropriate action.
• Individuals at HOA meetings who exhibit disruptive behavior, including but not limited to aggressive conduct, verbal abuse or refusal to comply with the directions of the Board after a verbal warning will be asked to leave the meeting.
• If a disruptive individual at an HOA meeting fails to comply with a request to leave the meeting voluntarily after receiving a verbal warning, the Board reserves the right to seek assistance from security or law enforcement to facilitate the removal of the disruptive individual.
• An HOA member who exhibits harassing behavior will be issued a warning letter from the Board to cease and desist. If harassing behavior continues, further action that may be taken includes contacting law enforcement, filing a restraining order, prohibiting speaking at HOA meetings or prohibiting attendance at HOA meetings altogether.

Most of these rules aren’t enforceable because they are too vague.

Discouraged is not a prohibition. Not tolerated is not a prohibition. Not acceptable is not a prohibition. An attempt to intimidate a board member is prohibited, but successfully intimidating a board member isn’t.

BillD16 (Texas)
Posts: 945

Posted:

Not a fan of this "Code of Conduct" stuff. I could see adopting a motto like "Be excellent to each other", but I think these kinds of codes, however well intended, boil down to a person or group inflicting their power on someone else, with very little control or recourse. What kind of penalties can be given? Is there any right to a hearing? Is there any accepted standard on the meaning of "verbal abuse"? "prolonged arguments" are a no-no? Is this intended purely for meetings? Or can I report my neighbor who made a nasty remark to me when I ran into the supermarket? So these rules apply to the Board?

Probably more importantly: have these rules ever been used? If so - how did it go?

Bill

HOA Board ex-President
Austin, Texas USA

“You can’t put too much water in a nuclear reactor”

SheliaH (Indiana)
Posts: 6,964

Posted:

A motto like "be excellent to each other" would make more sense, but these days, common sense is evaporating by the day.

Some of the rules would be ok for HOA meetings, which could be how this got started, but then someone or several thought to add the other stuff like "no socially unacceptable behavior is permitted." That can be almost anything, depending on what you define such behavior to be, and as it's been noted, how do you enforce it?

I don't know what community came up with this, but one can only hope it prompts some serious conversation about how neighbors treat each other. It shouldn't be about enacting a ton of rules, it should be a matter of treating people the way you like to be treated (aka the Golden Rule - anyone remember that?)

If it is not right do not do it; if it is not true do not say it. Marcus Aurelius

JudeS (Louisiana)
Posts: 1

Posted:

So, you are trying to impose rules to force people to be polite? If their mama couldn’t do it, do you really think you’ll be successful?

Some of the rules are scary:
- Profanity – who the heck decides what constitutes profanity? Oh, is “heck” a problem?! *
- Ditto verbally abusive behavior. What if I say that is just silly – is that abusive?
- Voice complaints or grievances constructively and respectfully – I see a scary opportunity for a true grievance to be shut down in the name of “That is not respectful.”
- Socially acceptable behavior – who defines “socially acceptable”?

Then we have the terrible repercussions:
- will not be tolerated.
- not acceptable.
- will be considered harassment.
- discouraged.

I do not believe you can prohibit members from attending, and participating, in member meetings. And you shouldn’t want to, they are owners legally have a vote.

These rules state the obvious (if you need to call the police, just call the police without finger wagging), toothless (oooh, not tolerated, I’m shaking), and tramples on free speech.

Instead of playing mama, how about sending a letter to your neighbors stating your concerns, why they are a problem, and what you want. And I would not insist on imposing your social standards on your neighbors. As long as they are not urinating on your front porch, mind your own business.

Do you really think the cursing, abusive, complaining, etc. people are really going to suddenly change their ways and abide by these rules? Not in a hot second.

Good luck.

* I read a study that profanity is an indicator of intelligence. I believe it but then I curse like a sailor. No disrespect to sailors.

TerriS6 (California)
Posts: 3,280

Posted:

Similar to a code recently proposed here. A lot of opinion, redundancy, duplication of existing law or policies.

NameW1 (Texas)
Posts: 32

Posted:

1) What if people cuss in other languages, will you have translators on hand to be sure people aren't cussing in other languages, or will you have another rule saying what language people have to speak.

2) I'm glad you outlawed constant interruptions during meetings because at least people can still do occasional interruptions.

Joking aside - what is the cost of enforcing these ridiculous rules in a fair way? Are you going to fly drones nonstop overhead? Or wire up all the common areas with microphones and cameras? Or you could just rely on people to snitch, that's positive, right?

JackieB4 (California)
Posts: 398

Posted:

Quote:

Posted By ElleN on 02/01/2026, 6:56 PM

I like the rules. Even if some are difficult to enforce, their mere existence sends a message that civility is expected.

Ditto...well said ElleN.

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