MaryA1
(Arizona)
Posts:2248
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| 06/18/2008 6:51 PM |
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Ellen,
IMO, the phrase "single mom" was used in the context of a woman alone w/o a man in the house. It's human nature to put people into categories. Men are generally thought of as being the ones who do the household repairs and are up on knowing when something is amiss and needs attention. Women cook, clean and take care of the children. Therefore, a single mom might not know that the roof might need repaired -- that's "men's work"! |
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RobertR1
(South Carolina)
Posts:2154
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| 06/19/2008 3:43 AM |
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MaryA,
I respect your HO, that's for sure. But at 78 I have earned the right to say "bull crap."
Your little soap opera production of who belongs where is not going to fly. Women cook and sew and take care of the kids (sounds like you get these kids off e-nay and then turn them back in for a new pair.) I have made some critical errors in my life and assumed the role of Roof Mender while all falls apart and now there is a bunch of past you can't change.
One extended family have lived all over the world, the kids are going to be fine, they are more than comfortable and this daughter-in-law can still fix the roof and the plumbing and run a business, and run all over the world working on an PhD, does most of the finances, pays all the bills, arranges flight all over the world so they can all get together and takes personal care of 5 properties all over the place and still find time to call me and chat or get into deep discussion e-mails. The son is a wonderful dad, and has built and remodled most of their property and earns big bucks and will do the Laundry or shop and cook. I suspect this is more typical than roof memder/dishwasher marrige.
I am oldest around here so you have to cut me some slack MaryA, I'm a Teddy Bear really. |
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MaryA1
(Arizona)
Posts:2248
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| 06/19/2008 7:07 AM |
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Hey, my little Teddy Bear,
Why so defensive? I didn't say that's the way it is I said it's human nature to put people into categories. What I stated is how many people feel -- even in this day and age! I didn't say I think that way. I know a lot of men who wouldn't know what end of a hammer to use and I know women who should never have been mothers. It takes all kinds to make the world go round. I was just trying to put some logic into the "single mom" moniker used in this thread. Perhaps you should read my response again, this time more objectively!
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BradP
(Kansas)
Posts:1742
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| 06/19/2008 7:54 AM |
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Posted By MaryA1 on 06/18/2008 6:51 PM
Ellen,
IMO, the phrase "single mom" was used in the context of a woman alone w/o a man in the house. It's human nature to put people into categories. Men are generally thought of as being the ones who do the household repairs and are up on knowing when something is amiss and needs attention. Women cook, clean and take care of the children. Therefore, a single mom might not know that the roof might need repaired -- that's "men's work"!
Mary:
With all due respect that may have been the mentality of 20-30 years ago and may be the mentality of retirees now...however, that is not the mentality of most of the people I know who are 40 and under. I know plenty of single mothers who get it done and I can tell you people my age (30's) do not have the viewpoint above. Traditional roles are no longer traditional. |
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EllenS1
(Florida)
Posts:353
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| 06/19/2008 9:15 AM |
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Mary,
This may be your thinking but you are off base. Tho as I said I hate generalizations and you do say "generally". I have been a widow for 30 years without a man in my life and have been a homeowner all that time but I have never needed a man to tell me when something was amiss and needed attention. It's really pretty basic..if a faucet leaks, fix it; if a roof leaks, get it repaired or replaced after getting at least 3 bids,etc. Do general maintenance like changing ac filters, keep dryer vents clear and I could go on. Amazing I've been doing this for a long time all by myself without the help of a man or an inspection every three years. |
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EllenS1
(Florida)
Posts:353
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| 06/19/2008 9:21 AM |
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BradP,
You are so right. Traditional roles are no longer in the majority. Even I, as a 76 year old, know that. |
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RobertR1
(South Carolina)
Posts:2154
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| 06/19/2008 9:23 AM |
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MaryA,
Damn MaryA, as long as I can come out of one of these threads being some one's Teddy Bear, I don't care what the subject is, or if it gets solved. Being someone's brand new Teddy Bear ranks up there way beynd being Billy Ray Cyrus's AckyBreaky Heart. Just came back from the Gym and I think those endorphins are kicking from watching too many hard bodies lifting weights. A hetrosexual view, of course. |
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JohnK3
(Pennsylvania)
Posts:463
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| 06/19/2008 10:28 AM |
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At the risk of having cybertomatoes thrown my way...
Stereotypes exist for a reason - they are PERCEIVED as being essentially true by many and thus a convenient, shorthand description without having to go into the bloody details. I'm not making a value judgement here; rather, just noting that that's the way things are whether we like it or not.
A friend of mine once developed an interesting test that I tried for myself and was amazed at the results. All that was statet was my name (I'll alter it here to protect the innocent, though keep it ethnic) and hometown (which is correct), then my wife posed 10 either/or questions at a party to 3 people who didn't know me.
James Patrick Kelly, Chicago.
1. Catholic or Protestant?
2. Republican or Democrat?
3. Attorney or Dentist?
4. Prefers Scotch or Vodka?
5. Mother alive. Did he first get married before or after age 30?
Etc.
The scores were 10, 9, 9 correct.
Just saying.
Carry on!
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MaryA1
(Arizona)
Posts:2248
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| 06/19/2008 10:33 AM |
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Posted By BradP on 06/19/2008 7:54 AM
Mary:
With all due respect that may have been the mentality of 20-30 years ago and may be the mentality of retirees now...however, that is not the mentality of most of the people I know who are 40 and under. I know plenty of single mothers who get it done and I can tell you people my age (30's) do not have the viewpoint above. Traditional roles are no longer traditional. Brad, I know the thinking is not the same as it was years ago. Women are performing all sorts of jobs that only men once held, not to mention all the male nurses out there! Believe me I don't possess those antequated viewpoints; however, I still do appreciate a man being a gentleman and certainly am not offended to have a door held open for me! |
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RobertR1
(South Carolina)
Posts:2154
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| 06/19/2008 1:58 PM |
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Look out Jack, here come some cybertomatoes. I also live in the red kind that this time of year are in abundance and are the foods of Gods when you slatther thick crusts of hard bread (Chicago Works) with Helmans or Dukes and salt and pepper , then some Itlian seasoning and some cilantro.
Too good.
I think our perceived impressions of a "single mons" was not correct at best, and the times and demands of society just steamroll everything in it's track and packs down a mishmash of the past which shapes our future. As a personal, I am just absolutely awed at the guts and the brains of these "single moms." All being a single mom did was require them to be better. Necessity is the mother of invention and I could add "so is desire."
Now I am going to have a tomatti sanwich. |
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EllenS1
(Florida)
Posts:353
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| 06/19/2008 3:56 PM |
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I agree with Mary. I'm quite independent but "it's so nice to have a man around the house" (sometimes). There are many who don't care for independent women but Robert sounds like a new breed. Acts of kindness regardless of the sex who performs them never offends me either.
Guess we got a bit off track but I hope Frank realizes that 3 year inspections for the "helpless" are not necessary. |
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RobertR1
(South Carolina)
Posts:2154
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| 06/19/2008 5:43 PM |
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| Oh, wave your magic wand and change anything about me back to new. My breed would not be my first desire, but if you can change just a couple things it would be appreciated. |
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MaryA1
(Arizona)
Posts:2248
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| 06/20/2008 10:32 AM |
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Posted By EllenS1 on 06/19/2008 3:56 PM
I agree with Mary. I'm quite independent but "it's so nice to have a man around the house" (sometimes). There are many who don't care for independent women but Robert sounds like a new breed. Acts of kindness regardless of the sex who performs them never offends me either.
Guess we got a bit off track but I hope Frank realizes that 3 year inspections for the "helpless" are not necessary.
Thx, Ellen. I was starting to think perhaps you didn't understand what I was really saying. BTW, my husband just retired so I'm not sure about the "it's so nice to have a man around the house"! LOL
Perhaps the key to being a "successful" independant woman is to not let your man know it! |
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KirkW1
(Texas)
Posts:1145
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| 06/20/2008 1:33 PM |
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One thing we can certainly agree on is that often times a category is thrown out to evoke a response. And this is often times done with very predictable results. A person throws out "protecting single moms" and at least some will have a positive response. The perception of "single moms" will vary a lot more then the response of "we should protect them." And many people will have the knee jerk reaction regardless of their thought out response that perhaps they don't need to be protected. Perhaps they can handle themselves.
The thing is that many people intentionally throw out phrases to get knee jerk reactions. I honestly believe we need to develop a response to not give into the knee jerk reaction. Perception of groups such as "single moms" will vary widely. And rightfully so since there probably isn't much that you can really pin on the demographic group. All the same, it doesn't seem to help to pretend such perceptions don't exist. |
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RobertR1
(South Carolina)
Posts:2154
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| 06/20/2008 1:48 PM |
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To all,
Let's think for a short moment. I responded to the "single Mom connotation because I wanted to point out the obvious, there are hosts and numbers of single moms meeting the challenges presented and are to be admired. At the same time comment on this fairly recent society eversion that created a brand new kind of a member of society. Sure they have been in society since we decided to live in caves, but bottom line:, "It's a tough road out there "Charlie". as we know, and these kids are standing up to the plate and swinging with the best of us.
You all got my blessing and my best. |
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EllenS1
(Florida)
Posts:353
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| 06/20/2008 2:24 PM |
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MaryA1,
Retirement is sure a time of adjustment. I have to laugh at your last sentence. My mother never worked outside the home and my dad was a successful business man. They had a very close marriage and she said when she wanted her way she always let him think it was his idea..sly little bugger. But I have the feeling my dad knew what was going on. It worked for them. |
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EllenS1
(Florida)
Posts:353
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| 06/20/2008 2:28 PM |
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Robert,
I'm sure all of us single women, young and old, thank you. |
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BradP
(Kansas)
Posts:1742
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| 06/20/2008 2:40 PM |
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| As I said before roles have changes, viewpoints are different. I applaud all single parents out there, moms and dads...I know how hard it is with both parents, but there is an increasing number of fathers now who are learning these challenges as well. |
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