Personal differences b/twn President and Secretary

I am President of a 40-unit (20 owners) townhome community near Raleigh NC. I previously served as Treasurer for 6 years for this community. The current Board was elected in August and I was selected as President by the new Board members. The man who was chosen as secretary and I have had some personality conflicts that have now become a problem with conducting Board business. This man has only lived in the community for about a year, the rest of us have been long term residents/owners. He bought a foreclosure and in the year he's been here, he's had one conflict after the other with previous Board members, the landscaper, and someone we use for light maintenance. I am a direct, practical woman and was asked to be President because people trust me, respect how I have handled past matters and have always shown fairness in HOA matters. I have put the well being of the community above my own interests many time. My opinion of him prior to all of this has been that he is pushy, tends to exaggerate and unwilling to be told no.

Since I became President, his comments and insinuations have been growing - the last straw was when he said that I am a abusive, a bully and a liar. Most of this was in emails sent only to me (I have all of it though) but that last part was copied to the other Officers. When he said all of these things, I chose to copy the other officers on the exchange and remove myself from any direct contact with him.

He is now making snide and backhanded comments to other Board members in every email, suggesting that I have misused HOA funds,am trying to override everyone else's opinion and basically just plain argues with me over everything simply because I have said it. In addition, it is clear that he lacks understanding of Robert's Rules and our governing documents on how business is conducted, how decisions are made and how the Board votes on important matters. He tries to get votes to fit what he wants behind the scenes, without opportunity for opposing comments or even without formal discussion.

The bottom line is, he is undermining me at every turn regardless of it's impact on the Board or community. Some of the things he is pushing others to vote 'yes' for involve contracts, borrowing money and capital improvements. My gut is telling he is trying to use the HOA for his own personal gain and my decisions as President are in his way.

At any rate, it is becoming impossible to work with him after just 2 months. Nothing I say to him will change his mind on anything - Quite frankly, I don't think he has gotten over not be asked to be President or even Vice President. We were fine as long as we did not serve together on the Board. I know he can be removed as Secretary - to his credit, he CAN get things done. However, I have to wonder if the cost is worth it!

I have chosen to interact with him in a 'strictly business' way but he is only throwing more garbage my way. How should I handle this? Can he get votes without it being a formal voting issue? Can he call meetings? Is there something formal that I can do or say at our next Board meeting to shut him down. I know he can be removed as an officer, however, he'd still be on the Board without a lot of extra effort. Our governing documents don't spell out specific duties for each officer position and instead refers to Robert's Rules. I've looked but just gotten more confused.

Given the importance of the Secretary's role to the President, this is an unacceptable situation.

I had a love/hate relationship with one of my board members. He was quite the con-man and I did get in his way of using the HOA funds. We were forced to work together even though I would rather ripped my toenails out with a pair of pliers. It stressed me out as I had to protect the owners from his shenagins but also couldn't bad mouth him as many liked him. He was the ex-President who ran the place for years before I moved in. So I understand what you are going through.

Sometimes instead of hiding the issue, it's best to just expose it. Make a rule that letters sent to the HOA will be read aloud at Board meetings so they can be addressed openly. If there is a complaint things are being handled the "back door" way, then swing open the back door and let the flies in. I am not talking about releasing personal emails or maybe even specific names. Just the letters that are addressing HOA issues/requests. Not only would this policy help tone down this person, it will let other members know the HOA is truly OPEN and not hiding information from them. It takes the chickens out of the hen house and into the yard...

People who try to paint me in a bad light tend to be painting with a bad paintbrush themselves. Just let them expose themselves and don't try to play their games. You keep on your path and direction and let them derail themselves. I find these type of people expose themselves to be the bad person before they can ever expose anyone else. Keep working and doing what you know is right. Right always stays ahead and wrong goes to the wayside...So will he...

Honey, If I had a dime for every time I got called a "Dictator", I'd own a house next door to Bill Gates...It's those who can't do, that complain the most of those who do. Sounds like a chauvenistic pig with women issues if you ask me. Passive-aggressive type...

My suggestion is stop feeling undermined. He knows it gets to you and others. A typical button pusher. Step back, breath, and realize you are in control. So what? Own it! That's my best advice to any President of a HOA. Are you following the CC&R's when making decisions? Do you bring them to each meeting? Is your response "I will consult our rules on that issue and get back with you later"?. If you don't know the answer at that moment then don't feel pressured to give one. Simply ask for the time for further research on either side.

Just be strong. It's usually our own insecurities that allow someone like this to get to us. Be secure in your decisions and don't allow them to second guess you. Just simply be patient and let them play the fool. They seem to do it so well.

Actually, what was happening was that he would make insinuations that I have misused HOA resources (mostly the landscaper) and that I was trying to override everyone and trying to persuade people to his side due by throwing me under the bus.

Since I posted the original message, we have worked to resolve some of this - the rules are a good thing to use when you don't know what else to do.

thanks for all the great input here!

We have two former Presidents who are no longer a Board member. They each resigned. As I see it, each resigned because the Board did not make the decision they wanted the Board to make. Both these former Presidents have caused the current Board some problems.

One of these Presidents signed a management contract. Recently, he gave a letter to the current Board asking why we are again using the company. HE signed the contract. He must not have read it. A few years ago, (I was told) after much deliberation the Board at that time allowed him to place special equipment on the roof for his ham radio. Somehow that equipment got damaged and he is upset about it. This and other things that have happened have caused me to realize we need to be very very careful about giving special permission or making a rule because of one person.

Another former President made the statement one time at a social gathering that the current Board is making "wrong decisions" I wanted to ask if if changing filters that were ever 2 years old was a wrong decision but held my tongue. I think the wrong decision he was thinking of was not allowing pets in the buiding. We had a member vote and he lost. We still do not allow pets to live here.

I have to agree, it would definitely be tough to work with someone who holds a personal grudge against you, all the more when your positions are not really to work hand in hand at times. So you each have to air sides and at least agree to start working professionally than be clouded by hate that will surely hinder your harmonious work environment. That is the main reason why you are in an association anyway.